One Hundred Bad Drawings: Page 6

EVERY FIFTEEN YEARS
or, the story so far

America said, "You are free,"
and her children believed it.

America said, "Have as much as you want,"
and her children said, "more."

America said, "Don't look at those dirty people,"
and her children went over to dance with them.

America said, "Put on a suit and go to work,"
and her children fucked in the mud.

America said, "Everything is in order,"
and her children formed a pit of thrashing bodies.

America said, "Numb yourself,"
and her children slit their flesh open.

So then America said, "You can't have any more."
And her children came after her.

The Loaded Question: America Goes Broke

Aside from the debt ceiling debate,
what are some other warning signs
that America is in a financial crisis?

Our National Conversation.

George Washington: Fine, if no one's gonna say anything, I'll start.  
John Adams: Okay, how do we do this thing?
Thomas Jefferson: Knock down that wall over there.
James Madison: We're gonna need some money. And get those British out of here.
James Monroe: Hell, get all the Europeans out of here.
John Quincy Adams: But leave Europe alone. Let's just build some roads and focus on our own shit.
Andrew Jackson: With no crap from the States, okay? And get those Indians out of here!
Martin Van Buren: Sounds good to me!
William Henry Harrison: I have to go lie down for a bit.
John Tyler: He's what? Holy crap! Oh, and knock down that wall over there, too.
James K. Polk: Knock down that wall, as well. And get some slaves in there.
Zachary Taylor: Is that a good idea? We should probably chill on that.
Millard Fillmore: Yeah, looks like there's a fight breaking out about the slaves. And get those Mexicans out of here.  
Franklin Pierce: Crap, it's getting worse.
James Buchanan: Nah, it's all good. Uh oh. HEY! CUT THE SHIT!
Abraham Lincoln: I... have had... just about enough... of this. Hang on.
Andrew Johnson: Yeah! And stay down! Black people, we'll be getting to you in a second.
Ulysses S. Grant: Hey, someone should probably clean up all this loose money lying around.
Rutherford B. Hayes: Yeah, and clean up the government while they're at it, ULYSSES.
James Garfield: Right! The first step is to - OW!
Chester A. Arthur: I got this. Black people, we'll be getting to you in a moment. Get those Chinese out of here.
Grover Cleveland: Silver or Gold? What do you think?
Benjamin Harrison: Um. I don't know.
Grover Cleveland: Silver or Gold? What do you think?
William McKinley: Doesn't matter. Let's just make that paper! We'll need some other countries, too, and - OW!
Theodore Roosevelt: Yes on the other countries, but fuck these corporations.  
William Howard Taft: Fuck 'em hard! Black people, we'll be getting to you in a moment.
Woodrow Wilson: We don't need gold or silver. Or war. BRB WAR
Warren G. Harding: Now that that's over, let's make that money.
Calvin Coolidge: Hells yes money. Fat dollars.
Herbert Hoover: Crazy, crazy money and -- oh shit!
Franklin D. Roosevelt: I got this. And fuck Hitler. Get those Japanese out of here.
Harry S. Truman: Well, just fuck Japan, period.
Dwight D. Eisenhower: Isn't everything awesome?
John F. Kennedy: Let's see if we can't get that to be awesome for everybody. OW!
Lyndon B. Johnson: Let's do this! A modern Utopia! BRB WAR
Richard Nixon: Hey, y'all can have whatever y'all want, long as I'm King.
Gerald Ford: They are so not into the King thing.
Jimmy Carter: Yes, instead we need honest, badly-run govern-
Ronald Reagan: FUCK POOR PEOPLE!
George H. W. Bush: What he said.
Bill Clinton: Hey, y'all can have whatever y'all want, long as I get laid.
George W. Bush: You know, if we dismantled all this, we could probably get a good price for it.
Barack Obama: Let's leave 'em this... and this.

And now, a brief history of American drama.

1920

"Sap."                                 "Pill."

1930

"Knucklehead."                    "Numbskull."

1940

"Nitwit."                           "Dope."

1950

"Drip."                             "Bum."

1960

"Jerk."                              "Slob."

1970

"Dipshit."                           "Spaz."

1980

"Doofus."                          "Dweeb."

1990

"Dumbass."                      "Numbnuts."

2000

"Asshat."                           "Fuckwit."

2010

"Douche."                              "Tard."