The Loaded Question: How will the Republicans fix the economy?

Which is your favorite Republican plan
to fix America's economy?

The Loaded Question: Occupy Wall Street

What do the Occupy Wall Street protesters want?

Monopoly cards for the New Great Depression, Part 4

Oranges and Reds first

Everyone around the world is familiar with the beloved game of Monopoly. You know Monopoly. It's the board game where you spend two hours (if you play it correctly) or three hours (if you don't) slowly tightening the financial noose around your friends until you're able to toss them out into the street to starve.

This is hilarious for at least three reasons:

1. Monopoly was based on The Landlord's Game, a teaching device meant to expose how landlords bled tenants dry.
2. That game was eventually stolen by one Charles Darrow, who'd lost his job after the Stock Market Crash of 1929.
3. It made Darrow a millionaire. The inventor of the Landlord's Game wound up with a cool $500.

Monopoly taught generations to become ruthless capitalists, including me. (The secret to winning? Buy as much property as you can, as fast as possible, no matter what you have to do to get it.) But the original game became outdated, especially those pesky Chance and Community Chest cards. "Poor tax"? "Building and Loan"? "Life insurance"?

A few years back, Parker Brothers Hasbro finally updated the old cards for a modern audience, and as you might have guessed, the result looks like shit. So I've kept the stylish old look of the original cards, yet added some new ideas for what the kid of the 21st century will have to expect. Enjoy!

Part 1              Part 2              Part 3

One Hundred Bad Drawings: Page 6

EVERY FIFTEEN YEARS
or, the story so far

America said, "You are free,"
and her children believed it.

America said, "Have as much as you want,"
and her children said, "more."

America said, "Don't look at those dirty people,"
and her children went over to dance with them.

America said, "Put on a suit and go to work,"
and her children fucked in the mud.

America said, "Everything is in order,"
and her children formed a pit of thrashing bodies.

America said, "Numb yourself,"
and her children slit their flesh open.

So then America said, "You can't have any more."
And her children came after her.

Monopoly cards for the New Great Depression, Part 3

Buy everything you can, as fast as you can

(For the first two sets of 21st Century Monopoly cards, look here and also here.) 

Everyone around the world is familiar with the beloved game of Monopoly. You know Monopoly. It's the board game where you spend two hours (if you play it correctly) or three hours (if you don't) slowly tightening the financial noose around your friends until you're able to toss them out into the street to starve.

This is hilarious for at least three reasons:

1. Monopoly was based on The Landlord's Game, a teaching device meant to expose how landlords bled tenants dry.
2. That game was eventually stolen by one Charles Darrow, who'd lost his job after the Stock Market Crash of 1929.
3. It made Darrow a millionaire. The inventor of the Landlord's Game wound up with a cool $500.

Monopoly taught generations to become ruthless capitalists, including me. (The secret to winning? Buy as much property as you can, as fast as possible, no matter what you have to do to get it.) But the original game became outdated, especially those pesky Chance and Community Chest cards. "Poor tax"? "Building and Loan"? "Life insurance"?

A few years back, Parker Brothers Hasbro finally updated the old cards for a modern audience, and as you might have guessed, the result looks like shit. So I've kept the stylish old look of the original cards, yet added some new ideas for what the kid of the 21st century will have to expect. Enjoy!

The Phone Call Sketch, Ladies and Gentlemen

Hey man, this is Rob from the future. I'm you exactly ten years from now. Ten years to the day. August 3, 2001 there, right? Yeah. Okay. Good.

Sup? Yeah, they still say sup.

Anyway. I'm calling from 2011. No, no, this is not a Dickens thing. You're fine. You've figured a lot of stuff out, and you're a lot better at, well, everything. Which is kind of the way it's supposed to go. You're good. A lot better than you are right now, actually. You kind of suck right now. No, stop agreeing. That's part of your problem.

The future? It's... good. It's good. It's going to be good. Yeah, the internet blew up, like you figured it would. Everybody's on here now. Your relatives, your high-school classmates, your exes, your mom. Everybody. What? Yeah, actually it does kind of suck. We're working on that. Turns out a lot of the people you know are gonna go, you know. Crazy. Not to put too fine a point on it. The internet's killing newspapers and TV, like we figured, right on schedule. Hmm? Oh yeah, people still chat! There's this thing everybody uses where you can only talk in, like, a sentence and a half at a time. No. I don't know why. But it's worth it, because you get to find out how celebrities feel about things.

No, it's cool. Kind of.

Yeah, that election thing was disturbing, with the chads and the thing. I know, right! Nobody could tell the difference between the two candidates. Yeah. That was, um, that was funny. Heh. No, I just have a cold. It's fine.

No, no, everything's cool! We, um, we eventually elected a black guy President! Not Colin Powell, I thought that, too. Some dude you don't know. With a weird name. A really weird name. It's kind of a long story. He only got elected to stop the wars... yeah. Plural. Two of them. Well, it was two. I think we're at four or five now.

I really can't remember. We're all just trying to concentrate on our work. On finding work. Yeah, another recession. I guess you could call it that. Sure. The President is on it, no problem. He's, um, doing things. Oh, and remember that NAFTA thing everybody got all upset about? You probably want to speak out more against that.

Good music. Good music. Um. Hang on, I know there were a few songs. I have to think about it. No, I'm not just getting old. Remember that Telecommunications Act that Clinton passed? And then the record industry started consolidating? Yeah. That. The good news is that the net killed it off, too. No, no CDs. All mp3s now. You had that part right. Portable music players and phones got really small. And you can browse and do all kinds of cool stuff on the phones! There you go! That's something good about the future right there.

Oh, yeah, also, you can record music and video with anything, anywhere, so everybody has a band now. And a video. A terrible, terrible video.

Huh? Columbine? Columbine. Oh! The school shooting. Yeah, I remember that. Um, we don't notice those too much now. Yeah, those. Some woman killed her baby, though. Everybody got real upset about that.

So yeah! You personally are fine. I wouldn't be talking to you right now if you weren't. Just a side note here, though, since you're living in New Orleans: is the truck gassed up? Do you have bottled water? No, I'm just asking. Always a good idea to be safe. Oh, and you're not going to New York anytime soon, right? Don't go to New York.

I told you, it's just a cold. Hang on.

I'm back. Yeah! So keep going. You're gonna get a lot better.

The world? Uh, it's still here. Yeah. Batman movies are awesome now. I don't know if I mentioned that. And gay people can get married legally. So that's something. Hey, I don't remember, did we own any gold?

Hello?

The Loaded Question: America Goes Broke

Aside from the debt ceiling debate,
what are some other warning signs
that America is in a financial crisis?

Monopoly cards for the New Great Depression, Part 2

Boardwalk and Park Place are for suckers

(For the first set of 21st Century Monopoly cards, look here.) 

Everyone around the world is familiar with the beloved game of Monopoly. You know Monopoly. It's the board game where you spend two hours (if you play it correctly) or three hours (if you don't) slowly tightening the financial noose around your friends until you're able to toss them out into the street to starve.

This is hilarious for at least three reasons:

1. Monopoly was based on The Landlord's Game, a teaching device meant to expose how landlords bled tenants dry.
2. That game was eventually stolen by one Charles Darrow, who'd lost his job after the Stock Market Crash of 1929.
3. It made Darrow a millionaire. The inventor of the Landlord's Game wound up with a cool $500.

Monopoly taught generations to become ruthless capitalists, including me. (The secret to winning? Buy as much property as you can, as fast as possible, no matter what you have to do to get it.) But the original game became outdated, especially those pesky Chance and Community Chest cards. "Poor tax"? "Building and Loan"? "Life insurance"?

A few years back, Parker Brothers Hasbro finally updated the old cards for a modern audience, and as you might have guessed, the result looks like shit. So I've kept the stylish old look of the original cards, yet added some new ideas for what the kid of the 21st century will have to expect. Enjoy!

 

Monopoly cards for the New Great Depression

Free Parking doesn't get you anything

Everyone around the world is familiar with the beloved game of Monopoly. You know Monopoly. It's the board game where you spend two hours (if you play it correctly) or three hours (if you don't) slowly tightening the financial noose around your friends until you're able to toss them out into the street to starve.

This is hilarious for at least three reasons:

1. Monopoly was based on The Landlord's Game, a teaching device meant to expose how landlords bled tenants dry.
2. That game was eventually stolen by one Charles Darrow, who'd lost his job after the Stock Market Crash of 1929.
3. It made Darrow a millionaire. The inventor of the Landlord's Game wound up with a cool $500.

Monopoly taught generations to become ruthless capitalists, including me. (The secret to winning? Buy as much property as you can, as fast as possible, no matter what you have to do to get it.) But the original game became outdated, especially those pesky Chance and Community Chest cards. "Poor tax"? "Building and Loan"? "Life insurance"?

A few years back, Parker Brothers Hasbro finally updated the old cards for a modern audience, and as you might have guessed, the result looks like shit. So I've kept the stylish old look of the original cards, yet added some new ideas for what the kid of the 21st century will have to expect. This is the first set. Enjoy!