Monopoly cards for the New Great Depression

Free Parking doesn't get you anything

Everyone around the world is familiar with the beloved game of Monopoly. You know Monopoly. It's the board game where you spend two hours (if you play it correctly) or three hours (if you don't) slowly tightening the financial noose around your friends until you're able to toss them out into the street to starve.

This is hilarious for at least three reasons:

1. Monopoly was based on The Landlord's Game, a teaching device meant to expose how landlords bled tenants dry.
2. That game was eventually stolen by one Charles Darrow, who'd lost his job after the Stock Market Crash of 1929.
3. It made Darrow a millionaire. The inventor of the Landlord's Game wound up with a cool $500.

Monopoly taught generations to become ruthless capitalists, including me. (The secret to winning? Buy as much property as you can, as fast as possible, no matter what you have to do to get it.) But the original game became outdated, especially those pesky Chance and Community Chest cards. "Poor tax"? "Building and Loan"? "Life insurance"?

A few years back, Parker Brothers Hasbro finally updated the old cards for a modern audience, and as you might have guessed, the result looks like shit. So I've kept the stylish old look of the original cards, yet added some new ideas for what the kid of the 21st century will have to expect. This is the first set. Enjoy!