Who's the New Girl? Episode 111: Moon Zero Two

the babes of MST3K

Having both an unhealthy obsession with classic pin-up style, which is coming back, and Mystery Science Theater 3000, which lives on forever, I've decided to combine my two lusts and create yet another series, this one based around pin-ups of the lovely ladies that starred in the b-movies MST3K skewered so hilariously. I will be taking on every single one of the relevant episodes, in order, because I have problems. Enjoy!

The series begins here. 

Episode 111: Moon Zero Two (1969)
 

"If we don't die, you want to catch a movie or something? I mean, if you're not alive I'll totally understand, it won't hurt my feelings or anything..."

Moon Zero Two was Hammer Films' low-budget answer to Kubrick's 2001, a "Space Western" where a renegade space-shuttle captain is blackmailed into mining sapphires or something for an evil space fop replete with space monocle. Not even a bad movie, just a really goofy and instantly dated one, what with the go-go dancers and the jazzy horn sections and the animated opening sequence that looks like Schoolhouse Rock meets Yellow Submarine. It also features a lot of what the Brits call "totty," mostly in dancing scenes. Most of these lovely ladies were never heard from again, although Mick Jagger's ex, Chrissie Shrimpton, gets a line,  and one of the fop's girlfriends is Amber Dean Smith, one of the first Penthouse Pets (NSFW!), featured here as the dumb blonde who can't play -- wait for it -- Moonopoly. (Okay, the film's kind of stupid.)

There were two ladies featured, however, who went on to bigger and better things:

Carol Cleveland

Although she only plays a shuttle waitress with few lines, Carol looks smart here in her Nazi stewardess uniform, which unfortunately leaves very much to the imagination. But even though the film was a flop, two weeks before it opened Cleveland had already secured her place in history when the first episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus appeared on the BBC. An accomplished actress, she actually studied at London's Royal Academy, but as the show's resident hottie, she wasn't able to show off her considerable comedy skills as often as she might have. The Pythons being very adept at playing women, Carol was left with famous lines like "But it's my only line!"  However, the show still locked down what was already an impressive TV career, and she's been beloved in Blighty ever since. Her talents were somewhat better served in the Python films, especially this famous scene.

Catherine Schell

Born Katherina Freiin Schell von Bauschlott, this Hungarian actress was the daughter of near-royalty until Nazi Germany and then the USSR robbed her family of their assets; she ended up at a convent school in New York and then acting school in Munich. Moon Zero Two was her third British film, and it led to her most famous roles: Bond Girl in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, comic jewel thief in Return of the Pink Panther (where she can be seen corpsing quite often), and as the shape-shifting alien Maya in TV's Space: 1999 series. In the mid-90s she retired from acting and opened a small hotel in France with her second husband, actor Bill Hays. After his death she closed it down, and is now fully retired; she retains a close connection with her Space: 1999 fans.