The Age of Epic Bullshit Translator

Despite what you might have heard over the past two decades or so, "politically correct" speech has been with us as long as speech itself has. And it's used by everyone on all sides of the political spectrum. It's all just PR to make ideas less frightening and thus somewhat acceptable, anyway, which is how, over the course of the last century, "shell shock" got turned into "battle fatigue" and then "combat stress fatigue." Sometimes, as is the case with "colored," "retarded," or "crippled," the words are changed in order to remove a stigma unfairly  placed on an entire subset of human beings. Most of the time, though, it's there to trick us into avoiding looking life square in the face, in fear that we might have a natural human reaction to it. Here's a short list of words journalists, speechwriters, and flacks use to accomplish that.  

For Celebrity Stories

alleged = guilty
embattled = incredibly guilty
controversial = asshole
politically incorrect = huge asshole
troubled = doomed
rocky = screaming
stormy = life-ruining
amicable = bitter
celebrity = nobody
reality tv star = village idiot
radio personality = con artist
heatstroke = coke binge
exhaustion = assload of pills

For Scandals 

thank = strangle
supportive = naive
ridiculous = true
absurd = very true
unsubstantiated = even more true than you think
allegations = discoveries
trying, humbling = embarrassing
failings, mistakes = crimes
sins = felonies
remorse = anger
deeply = not really
heal = forget
Jesus/God = my lawyers
the people = the corporations
you/your = lobbyist(s)

For Political Groups

concerned = outraged
Americans, citizens = corporations
family = Christian
Christian = Republican
values = laws
gaming = gambling
united = spending money
for = against

For Political Speeches

disappointed = enraged
honorable = crooked
distinguished = old
colleague = jerkoff
job creators = obscenely rich
middle class = working class
working class = poor
climate change = global warming
death tax = estate tax
detainees = political prisoners
enhanced = violent
freedom = money
communist = socialist
socialist = centrist
far left = center
troops = war
play the race card = be not white
play the blame game = investigate
flip-flop = listen to reason
faith = Christianity
God = special interests
bless = use
America = you