Shopping for Candidates

How Democrats Vote.

"Hmm. I can't decide. These candidates are both so perfect! Which color do you think looks better?"
"Which one? They're both blue!"
"Are you blind? This one is cobalt and this one is ultramarine."
"Can you just pick one, for God's sake? We're gonna miss the convention!"
"In a minute. Damn, I wish I could have both of them. Do you think they'd give me a deal on both of them?"
"I don't know! Do you really need two?!"
(sighing) "What made me think a Republican would understand?"

(voice over PA) "Ladies and gentlemen, the campaign is now closing. Thank you for shopping at The Donkey."

"Jesus Christ! You see? Can you just pick one now so we can go?"
"Fine, fine. I just hope I don't pick the wrong one."
"Yeah, then I get to return it. I know."

How Republicans Vote.

"Welcome to Elephant Depot. What can I do you for."
"Yeah, I need a candidate. Whaddaya got?"
"Sorry, my friend, but all I got left is this Romney."
"Shit. That's it?!"
"Yep. Not a good line this year."
"Looks that way. (sigh) Okay, wrap it up."
"You wanna try it out first, or...?"
"No, I'm already screwed. I'll make do. Thanks."

(At home.)

"Oh, my God. You're not going to wear that, are you?"
"It was the only one they had, okay? Besides, it'll be fine."
"It doesn't even fit you!"
"Sure it does. Just get ready. The general election's almost here, and you haven't even gone looking for yours yet!"
"Hahahaha! Oh, God. Look at that thing."
"Fuck. Yeah, I guess I better return it."

"Yeah, right. Another candidate to add to the pile in the closet. You know you still have a Goldwater in there?"
"That is a classic! That's coming back!"